I have a feeling my optimism about life can be aggravating to others. I imagine it has the ability to create a feeling of invalidation and dismissiveness. Maybe my general optimism prohibits one to speak negatively or be real around me. But I was recently reminded of the power of optimism for navigating one’s own life from a resilient and enduring character from the movie Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. See below.
We all know that life is difficult, as is. Humanity created convoluted systems that force us to live in a way that is routinely distressing. Most people refer to this unfortunate way of life as “adulting.” Buuuuuttt here we are, so let’s try to enjoy what we can and spend energy in a way that’s not depleting to ourselves and others. See? Strategic. See? Necessary. I do know things could have been better. Here’s a visual reminder.
So we have to take our individual lives and do what we can with them. Our personal view of the world, or at least, our view of the small amount of energy revolving around our own gravitational pull, is vastly important. Our chosen curation is how our lives mean anything. I’ve always leaned toward an outlook that is helpful, enlightening and worthwhile. We don’t get too much joy or breaks in the world that we live in, so optimism is my greatest survival skill.
I think of it a bit like intentional tunnel vision. Imagine a pristine window facing a small piece of gorgeous, untouched nature.
If I move towards it, the view widens and I can see what was hidden, perhaps, a fire around the corner. I can still see the reality of the world through the window if I step closer but the initial position I’m standing in serves to protect the part of me that still has access to seeing the silver lining. It’s not naive because I still have to walk through the door where I will be forced to see everything, everywhere, all at once. However, I’ve already taken the opportunity to hone in on something positive to advance my position once I’m out. I check the weather this way in order to prepare for it ALL, not just for my narrow view. Part of what I pack each day, is my optimism.
Two fundamental realities help explain why I’m eternally optimistic.
1. Proximity of Death.
Death is the the foundation for which all of my thoughts are laid upon. It’s intertwined with every single one. Enough people that meant a lot to me died young. I feel the need to live as full a life as I can because they are always in my thoughts so I just don’t see any room for unworthy, infinitesimal battles in my life. It feels ungrateful.
I think of the Latin phrase that is also heavily used in Stoic philosophy: Memento Mori.
We will all die one day. Every drama someone brings up, every small issue or judgment I’m worried about slams up against this basic fact. Any situation immediately gets reduced and no longer takes up space in my mind.
2. Tragedy.
There is enough tragedy in this world with which to compare my life and circumstances. Tragedy is a harrowing and dreadful part of our existence. It’s immobile residence in my brain makes me eternally grateful. This ensures optimism reigns supreme when thinking about my personal little life. Because of tragedy, I am acutely aware it could always be worse.
My optimism navigates and drives which battles I choose. It’s easy for me to not dwell on something for very long or to logically see small problems as ridiculously small. And I am often able to see that most situations don’t have any bearing on my life and therefore my optimistic outlook remains.
There are times I do forget my tools and intrinsic outlook and find myself in a panic over something asinine. Thankfully, the path to optimism in my brain is well-worn and easy to locate. That being said, I often wonder why someone continuously chooses so many battles in their life when the battle they are fighting wouldn’t even cause a dent in their life if they left it alone. I think it comes down to the two principles I stated above. Death and suffering are not at the forefront of their mind. If they were, said people would operate in a wildly different manner and choose their battles much more reasonably. Case in point below.
Maybe people wonder why I’m so unbothered by the majority of situations this tedious life presents. Well…..see explanation above…..and below!
So if you think I’m bored listening to your story, I’m not bored. I am sitting there, dissecting and contemplating how you can possibly find your small problem to be worthy of complaining about immeasurably. I’m wondering how you can feel so strongly about something that is not tragic or fatal, and this is where optimism as survival surfaces. I am able to keep moving forward because 99% of anything that happens in my life is neither of these things so optimism wins out and I can discard the rest.
So, if you are wondering how to stop being frustrated or stop complaining to no end, compare your issue to tragedy or death. It doesn’t mean your problems will go away. Life is a series of obstacles. Obstacles ARE the things that make up your life. Just, maybe now, you will be able to critically think about the problem to solve it reasonably and not associate it to anything personal. Reframing, of course, being the ultimate tool to putting this into practice.
I’ve been reading more about the placebo effect and I’ve always been a fan of the self-fulfilling prophecy and the power it wields. Can you train your brain to think differently? Of course. There is plenty of research supporting it. So build your world! And if you are going to be world building, why not build as pleasant a place to be as possible?
So, to clarify, I’m absolutely speaking based on privileged circumstances. Like, if you are in survival mode, you are allowed to do a whole lot, and I will not blame you or question your logic for losing control. However, if your life is generally great, please utilize my advice quickly and don’t spend a considerable bulk of your life complaining. Please! I beg of you. Either way, I’ll carry on and continue to bring my optimism to the table.
onthecontrarykelly 