What not to expect.


As I enter this phase of life where I will become a mom/parent, there are so many things that people do that I simply, will not.

I want to preface this entire blog by saying: Please don’t be offended by ANYTHING in it and don’t read too much into either. This is simply another element of how I want to present myself. I’ve always liked to present things differently than others so I could distinguish myself and I don’t think that’s wrong either. Besides, this blog is a place to “think differently” anyway. It’s just easier to define what I will do if I, at first, tell you what I won’t.

Okay so here is “what not to expect” from me. For one, I don’t want to be known as a “Boy Mom.” I will be a mom but I feel that this title comes with characteristics and stereotypes that I don’t identify with. I’m honestly not sure what these characteristics even are, but it’s just the connotation that I don’t feel comfortable with. For those that label themselves “boy mom” or “girl mom,” go for it. You obviously identify with it. You be you and me be me. 🙂

I also won’t be posting one million photos of my baby on facebook, I’m going to stick to 1,000 per year. 😉 I know all the wonderful reasons people do this- they are proud, it’s so easy for family to follow and feel connected, etc. I’m just particular, as the people who know me know, about presentation and compartmentalizing things and right now, and always, my social media is MY identity, which yes, will include my children but they will certainly not be taking over the carefully constructed highlight reel I’ve been concocting, some might say fabricating, since November of 2004. By the way, my highlight reel IS entirely real. My sad reel is just not up and operating as a facebook page. That one is just going to stay in my brain. No need to bring anyone down! Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. are supposed to be a happy place! Well, in my opinion anyway!

I love the What to Expect book and App on my phone. It’s straightforward, basic and easy to understand and gives you a community to discuss pregnancy things, parent things, and SO much more as I have found out. (A couple mom’s have gone rogue and started to discuss their relationships that involve everything from their husband cheating because she doesn’t feel like having sex, to a husband saying that the best part of having a baby will be when it’s sleeping!) Ay yi yi. I feel sorry for these ladies but mostly I get answers to questions that I’d never know the answer to without this discussion post community. That being said, there is this avenue and many “mom group” avenues on facebook to get your very important questions answered and answered with a ton of support too! This is why you will never see me post a “mom” question directly on facebook. I’ve never understood this. Yes, you do get answers but the whole of facebook is not a community of moms and up until this point those posts bewildered me and kind of still do. Just ask a facebook mom group! It’s really not just parent questions actually, its really most questions posted on facebook that I don’t understand. However, any question or post regarding food is always totally legit but this is why I’m also part of a group called Houston Foodie Friends. I really only want to talk to the experts, and not bother others, when a question arises. I definitely know why unfollowing someone is an option and what a great one! Unfollow ME of you want! Freedom and Rights! Yeah!

Here’s a big one that I’ve had in my head for as long as I can remember. When my child is 2 years old and you ask me how old they are, you will NEVER hear me say “24 months.” What in the actual…..I mean what? Why would anyone force ANYONE to do math?! I will never understand this logic and even if I ever do I WILL not agree with it. I know that many people feel the same ways I do because these things are written into memes and shared thousands of times. Honestly, memes are the most connecting language I’ve seen since the hashtag.


As much as my friend Diane and I like to shorten words like “muskie” (for 3 Musketeer of course!) or anything that hasn’t been done over 1,000 times, I will not be referring to anything in a language that most of the world doesn’t speak and is exclusive to mom’s and parents mostly. For example, as a What to Expect community member I have had to learn new (and in my opinion, ridiculous, acronyms.) Apparently FTM is not “For the Men” and LO is not one of the first words of the speech in A Charlie Brown Christmas that explains what Christmas is really all about. Also SO is not an exaggerated introduction to a new topic such as SOOOOOOOOOO….annnnyyywayyyssss…… There is literally no reason for me to even tell you what these mean because they are not a part of my normal conversation and will never be.

Also, I do wonder how much women blame pregnancy for very normal things. I’ve had one of the most uneventful pregnancies so maybe I don’t get it but I WILL promise you this, if I have any of these very odd effects of pregnancy with the next one I will NOT be talking about it 24/7. Just like people don’t like to talk about anything that doesn’t involve them, I know they don’t give a flip about something I’m craving etc. (Disclaimer: I’ve been craving all kinds of junk food and all the bread….oh wait…..that was literally every day of my life prior to pregnancy….) So, no cravings out of the ordinary. I literally feel no different being pregnant for the most part and any symptom that I have will not be discussed here because I KNOW you don’t care and I happen to NOT care about them either!!

And lastly, just all the comments from people. Fortunately, most people have not annoyed the hell out of me but I attribute that to them knowing I’m not a stereotype. I think it’s nuts when people put words in your mouth or stereotype how things will be. It took me a hot minute to get used to the idea of having a boy. And of course, people thought I wanted a girl because of all the froo froo stuff that you can buy or do with a girl. No. I didn’t know how much I wanted a girl but apparently I did. I wanted a girl that I could raise into a strong, badass that I’d be okay if they colored their hair purple or spoke their mind passionately. I wanted to support that, but mostly in a female -especially in the current climate we are in where females are rising up to the badass status that they always should have had. However, although it took me awhile, I started to remember that I love guys- most of the time, more than girls. I just don’t want them to be typical and I guess that was my same desire for a girl. Some people have told me that boys are fun because they are all energy, they don’t tell you everything and you can be gross with them. NONE of that is appealing to me…..I just want a human being that is a good communicator, likes to play outside, is generally nice to people but also speaks and feels passionately. I want to support atypical dreams etc. Yeah I want them to be happy but I just hope that happy to them is not expressing themselves through bathroom humor, living for video games or being inconsiderate, selfish or cocky. I want them to be reflective and imaginative and mostly feel completely safe coming to me about anything and everything. We will see how this all goes of course. I generally just can’t believe that people feel it’s okay to assume anything and say it out loud.


For example, “are you going to try for a girl next time?” “Get ready to never sleep again!”

Wait, let’s talk about this one real quick.

Ummmm…..wait….so you are telling me that sleep will be a struggle with a baby?! Whaaaaaaaaa?? Yeah I get it. And I understood that concept going in. I’m not 14 years old. It’s a common understanding. Lord have mercy. And the inevitable…..”Just wait…” Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you need to be condescending as if you hold the key to all the knowledge there is to know about raising a baby. How about just say what YOUR experiences have been without expecting that mine are going to be the exact same. You certainly have the go ahead to impart knowledge but not if your going to be condescending about it. Also, I’m just going to throw out there that once I AM a mom, I will NEVER compare my experiences to those of people without kids. It is incredibly rude and mostly demeaning. Here’s what I mean: A while ago, my cat, (yes, my cat) kept me up most of the night and I got like maybe 2 hours of sleep in total. When someone asked why I was tired this is what I explained in a normal and unexaggerated tone, to which they replied, “Huh! Just wait until you have kids!” …….Oh my God. What. Tired is tired. I’ve been all kinds of tired and whether or not “kids” bring about a “different” kind of tired, I will not be discussing it. It. Is. A. Given. I expect to be tired 24/7 so I don’t need you to condescendingly tell me how it’s going to be.

There are so many things that I DO expect will happen and I know that I WILL change. My lifestyle has already taken a turn (I can’t wait for just ONE glass of wine or cold, delicious, fragrant IPA) and a lot of it feels great, but I’m sticking to these things I’m talking about. I’m passionate about most things that I feel so don’t sit back with a smug smile on your face and say “Just wait.” YOU just wait. There. We’re even.


*By the way, my husband agrees with me 100% on all of this so I know there is at least one person that supports these very logical ideas!



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