Following a date gone awry or a severed friendship, the abandoned often want to know what it was that obliterated the potential connection. From my perspective, it is unnecessary to know this information. The underlying reason why people want to know a motive is because they figure they can easily change it. They also tend to believe that it will essentially make them more appealing. C’mon, let’s be serious. Think about it this way….say your date or friend actually has the courage to tell you what it was that turned them off from spending future time with you. Let’s say it goes like this: “Well, I’m not that into people who are into music.” Most likely, music is a big part of your life in some way or other. Regardless, you think that it could be easy enough to not listen to music ever again. Hmmmmm…..You may be able to keep up with this for a while but you will almost certainly crave listening to music again. This desire to return to your natural self will happen sooner rather than later and if you have convinced this person that you have given it up and are now dating or the best of friends then you are headed to a road of resentment.
I’m convinced this would be the same circumstance with nearly anything. (“I don’t like your views on religion”, “I’m more into girls who like fishing”, “I really like guys who like to talk all the time”, “I don’t like chocolate and you do”, “you’re too sweet for me”, “I like girls who drink like a fish”, “I only like guys who like to write”, etc. etc. etc!) I could go on forever because people are complex and have multiple personality traits as well as hobbies and physical traits that not everyone is going to adore. My point is to BE YOU.
Be the best you that you can be and if anyone, in any capacity, does not like something about you, there is nothing they or you can do about it. The ONLY exception is when you’d like to return to your original self and someone can help you get there. (Ex: you never wanted to drink like a fish and have become a fish and want to return to your natural state.) This is the ONLY reason you should change for anyone and you’ll notice it’s a reason that will better oneself. It also has to do with the desire. If you desire to continue drinking like a fish, then by all means, just keep swimming, just keep swimming and find another fish.
A nurse that keeps people comfortable right before they are supposed to die did some questionnaire research and asked what each person’s biggest regret was in their life. *The number one regret was not being absolutely true to themselves during their lives. They all had lived lives other’s expected of them at some point. People spend their lives accommodating others based on what they think they’d agree with more, or be more comfortable with. That’s no fun. I’m challenging you to be true to yourself and forget about how you can change to accommodate others. Whoever in your life chooses to spend time with you likes or appreciates everything about you. And that is unconditional and isn’t this the type of relationship we all want anyway?
I truly feel that this may be a huge reason why divorce is so prevalent. People change for people, everything is going well being their pretend selves, then they eventually want to resort to their natural state and the two people that got married are no longer the same people at all- leading to divorce. Amicable maybe, but let’s try to avoid this by being so much ourselves that people fall in love with and befriend the right person, the true you.