…doesn’t sound fun anymore. Heh. “Marriage,” the word and idea, employs a negative connotation. In today’s world, from what I’ve witnessed anyway, marriage has become something to avoid, something regrettable and something that seemingly should be very rare. I feel sad for girls who have grown up watching Disney princesses get married under the spell of perfection, what might seem to be the only definition of marriage to a young girls eyes and heart. I don’t know why I didn’t grow up with this notion. Maybe it’s because I’m a naturally independent only child or maybe it’s because I was too busy having anxiety attacks about having enough money on me for the ice cream man. (Even today, the creepy music alone can give me a slight panic attack and make me want to book it home to get enough money for a bubblegum bar. – Pavlov was certainly on to something) Maybe I wasn’t fixated on a fairytale because I didn’t have annoying parents that started any sentence with “When you get married…” or, even worse, “You can give this to your daughter one day.” What gives parents the right to speak unforeseen promises to their kids or even worse predicting the sex of their very unborn, hypothetical grandchild, I will never know. What I do know is I’m thankful my parents weren’t that way. My dad always said, “Don’t get married until you’re thirty!” These were words with an undertone of flippancy and light-heartedness. At the time, when I was in elementary school, someone who was single and thirty may as well have been considered a spinster. But, don’t you think there was a good reason behind every adult who stated this same sentiment? They had been there. They knew how quickly and spasmodically the human mind could change. This advice was not to be taken lightly at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I happen to love Disney movies. In fact, Beauty and the Beast is my favorite. If you are a girl, you will know that Belle is not considered a Disney “princess.” She is intelligent, caring, and introspective. “But behind that fair façade I’m afraid she’s rather odd, Very diff’rent from the rest of us is Belle.” I may not have been swayed by Cinderella or Aladdin but Beauty and the Beast may have something to do with a few of my past relationships, come to think of it. The point is to think about marriage in a very different way. If people are truly lucky to find their “soul mate” then marriage really should be rare. Anyone who reads this has come across more people that feel unlucky in marriage than the opposite. Luck is not a “free for all” condition of all relationships.
Think about it this way…If you are 43 when you get married, you still have approximately a good 30 years with someone. Is that not enough? Do you realize how long that is? Think about your longest relationship, I imagine it doesn’t even come close to this massive amount of time. Do you really think you can be absolutely “head over heels” in love for that long? If you are not looking for love, but rather a roommate, then none of this matters, but for those of us who are, chill out. If you are worried about kids, there are alternative ways in which you can get one of these. 😉 Science is wonderful for this reason and has made parents of many deserving people this way. At the same time, we have not mentally caught up to this scientific manner of thinking. Marrying young was once purposeful because of the fast-approaching age people might live to. Because science has extended our lifespan, we should all extend our beliefs to encompass the fact that we can certainly get married later in life –something that was previously thought to be absurd. As for kids, adoption shouldn’t be a last resort. There are so many kids already here that need good homes. Why overpopulate? Oh wait, I know. You want a little “you.” Well again, there is science. And if you are against science because you are hell-bent on doing everything naturally, go ahead, get married at 18 to someone you don’t really know, have two kids naturally and tell me I’m wrong when you want a divorce. (No offense to the rare few this scenario has worked out for – I deem you and your situation truly lucky, in every sense of the word.)
You may not have been able to tell but I absolutely do want to get married one day, and by married, I mean find someone who is awesome, who is my teammate and who I’m thoroughly attracted to because yeah “looks” and my attraction to someone may fade but if I don’t want to make-out with someone in the beginning, I don’t want to know what the rest of the 30 years looks like. In any case, find a way to be your best self….now. No one is going to want someone at their worst, unless you are, in fact, a beast and you meet a girl named Belle.
Boo marriage! I feel the same way, lady. Glad you started a blog. If I can figure it out, I’ll subscribe to yours.
Your post, Marriage onthecontrarykelly, is really well written and insightful. Glad I found your website, warm regards from Leo!