On people thinking about you.

People often will tell you that others are not thinking about you. But aren’t they?

I think about others all the time so there have to be times where they are thinking about something I did or who I am as a person.

People even have whole conversations with their friends surrounding other people- analyzing why a person is this way or that way….You’ve done it yourself and you know it.

So instead of spouting the definite lie, “who cares? no one is thinking about you or that thing you did,” maybe we just need to discuss the weight of the matter.

So here are some examples:

• You fall in front of someone. If they think about it later, how does that change who you are as a person?

• You do something in a way that you know another person would have done differently. If they think about it later, and even discuss it with others, would you do anything differently or would you continue to stand for what you believe in?

Ultimately, are you trying to curate and create yourself or are you trying to be a carbon copy? If you are not on a quest to be EXACTLY like other people or to find all the ways in which you will fit everyone else’s mold of what is “normal” then you are 100% going to have people talking about you and that is actually a goal. Innit? (I don’t know if you knew but all of this sounds better in a british accent-smarter, correct in my thinking. Start over and read it that way.)

What might be true is the disproportion for which you are thinking about this awkward, embarrassing, “not representative of who you are” incident versus the amount “others” are thinking about it.

Earlier, I stated that I often think about what others have said and I do analyze it and talk to my friends about it BUT it’s fairly short-lived. It does end. I do not perseverate on it. However, it does stay in my memory as part of your reputation which compounds on your previous interactions with me or others and future actions as well. So, if there is one thing you did that you hate that you did, I have two potentially helpful tips.

1. Don’t spend a long amount of time wondering about what others think. Re-read the above and recognize that this moment will pass and it’s a small part of how you are represented.
2. If you truly can’t stand to have that be a part of your reputation then you should go tell the people that were there that you didn’t really agree with what you did and you are feeling upset with yourself about it. This will help reconcile the truth of what people are discussing about you. Because, as I said earlier, there is a better chance that they are than not.
3. You can also consider other’s analysis of you as an assist to their own pathway of navigating who they are. Well, isn’t it nice how you helped?

But what if you believe in what you said or did and are just worried about how a group of people will be thinking about it as you know it doesn’t align with what they believe? In this case, this is more in line with internal work. What do you care more about? Your integrity as the person you are and want to be or that others see you in a light that reflects their beliefs and values? If you care more about what others think, you will never reach the height of who you are.

Becoming the person you are meant to be is the whole goal of your life. Standing strong in your convictions, values, beliefs, and actions is enlightenment to the nth degree. So if other’s talking about you is getting in the way, reconcile it so you return to the path of becoming who you are.

Telling someone that no one is thinking about them is dismissive of the truth of human behavior. Let’s stop doing that and critically think how the worried person can resolve it instead.

You could say:

• Can you live with this or do you feel it’s necessary to change their thinking about you?

• Does your action represent who you are? If so, practice acceptance of the incident and understand the goal of becoming who you are instead.

• If you were around people you know would support what you said or did, would you still choose to have it happen again? If so, leave it.

You are always teaching people who you are. This is important to clearing the pathway to your true self. I haven’t read the book The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins yet, but I’m wondering if this is part of the thinking. “Let them” is a powerful statement when carving the path to gaining access to who you are so if you forget everything I said here, let that simple statement lead you. I’ll be sure to use it myself.