The anticipation. The waiting: elongated to the degree you initiated the thought. The event; the reality. What’s the best part?
The anticipation of a positive situation is unequivocally better than the reality. It’s the drumroll effect. Why do we imagine something is going to be better than it actually is Every. Single. Time? If you are not familiar with the kitschy, but sometimes poignant sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, there is an episode revolving around this exact premise. Ted, the shows hopeless romantic, is presented with living in an anticipation phase on purpose when his new love interest, Victoria proposes that they not kiss that night. She states that “the best part of any first kiss is the lead up to it.” The episode is aptly titled “Drumroll, please.”
This point is what, I believe, has people in a perpetual pattern of planning future fun events, again……. and again. People chase anticipation like it’s a drug. But we often get to the event itself, and while it may actually be fun or satisfying, it just can’t seem to reach the levels of satisfaction it once had when it existed as a preconcieved notion. I am envisioning vacations, concerts, get-togethers, holidays, etc.
There are two ways to combat this disparity.
One: Keep everything in perpetual planning mode. A whimsically stated “Someday….” is the anthem of these quixotic dreamers that keep everything on an ancipatory foundation never having to enter in to the mess that ensues in the building stage.
Two: Temper your anticipation each and every time. Recognize what anticipation does to your brain; that it sets up a high expectation that is unlike the majority of experiences possible on this earth.
Hot tip: Having the knowledge that anticipation often supersedes the event also has an underrated quality that can keep you out of trouble. If you are intensely aware that the event will never live up to the anticipation, you will be able to choose the more peaceful route. This awareness could stop you in your tracks on the way to telling a person off, cheating on your partner or quitting your job just to prove a point. Remember that your mind is capable of some of the best fairytales, and fairytales are safer if they stay in books. This world is unable to contain or foster the worlds we create in our minds.
And it’s not even the aftermath being unequal to the anticipation level. You have most likely had discussions about actions not being worth the cost. But, that is not what I’m talking about.
It’s about the stories we tell ourselves and the viseral senses adjoined to those stories. Each sense is elevated in out imagination prior. We have sold ourselves an advertisement of what the future can hold but the future we have envisioned simply does not exist as a possibility in this constructed world.
We have all experienced recieving a product, knowing the planning of, buying the object, and imagining it in our house was the height of our satisfaction. The excitement fades as soon we unbox it. It’s similar to the second you drive a brand new car off the lot; it immediately starts to depreciate. The echelon level of any experience you can reach is the anticipation of it. You can warp, build, and construct any event this way.
So, if we choose the 2nd route, and temper our anticipation, this will help us understand the reach of the event itself when it does occur. We can expect less but know what joy really, honestly looks like. When we are able to do this, we can lean in to real joy. When we lean into real joy, it has the ability to grow, if you let it. Let reality build, not the anticipation.
Let it look like this / and not like this \ .
It’s like having the expectations of a rom-com to emulate a real relationship and getting in the relationship and questioning whether your relationship is a true one. Most people, if they are lucky, eventually see through this example, disregard comparison to a scripted narrative and set their expectations for relationships to realistic. But not everyone does, and I’m sad for them knowing the reconciliation of reality may never come preventing having ANY relationship.
Events can and should be as fun as we anticipate but we have to continue to work on what reality actually looks and feels like on a conscious level, not the anticipation.
For someone who likes to live in a fantasy world in my head, this is difficult. There are times where I do choose to stay in anticipation and relish in containing these little worlds in my mind forever if I feel like it. Some ideas are not meant for this world so I choose choice #1 and declare, “Someday…” or “when I live in another universe or timeline…” or “in another life…” one might say…
Until then, I will continue to try and embrace this fact so I can accept my anticipation for what it is and be grateful for the experience it allows into my brain as well as the events that take place in reality.
onthecontrarykelly 