I have never declared 40 is old. Or most other ages. All the while, many people profess they are “old” while being, by definition, young. For varying reasons, people tend to do this and it starts to increase immensely at the age of 40. I swear I have memories of “over the hill” themed birthdays for people turning 40 when I was a kid. I use the term “becoming” because it echos all the years prior and all the work ensued.
I hear people referring to themselves as old based on a gray hair, joints hurting, having no energy, going to bed at a healthy time and even simply to avoid going to an event in which they have simply lost interest. Why anyone claims getting old is the reason for new dissatisfactions is beyond me. Couldn’t it simply be you have bloomed to encompass more enchanting, varied hobbies and interests? Why does this have anything to do with just getting old, itself? I don’t claim this belief, nor have I ever.
I have openly avowed one cannot state they are old until they are 86. It’s wild to hear a 30 year old call themselves old. Factually, they simply, are not. The average life expectancy is 73 for males and 80 for females so the idea of “old” is so much more a mindset than anything. As most ideas on this Earth, “being old” is just another social construct.
I think the greatest understanding to shift this perspective is this: we go through chapters in our lives and these chapters are not necessarily determined by age. I think what you are doing with your life, what you fill it with and how and when you operate ends up being based on a matter of desire. Most people who are young stereotypically tend to be more apt to go out and stay out late, be associated with more social events, etc. But there are A LOT of people in the 20-30 age bracket who do not. Based on the way people label themselves as old, a quiet 25 year old who doesn’t enjoy going to bars and instead goes to sleep at a reasonable hour could be labeled “old.”
So, we are using the term incorrectly. Also, any ailment you get doesn’t necessessarily mean it’s due to age. I felt more sick as a kid and a person in my 20s than I do now, so am I getting younger? If I have an injury, why is labeling myself as old even an option. Humans get injured. Treat the injury and move on. You still have so many resources available as treatment options to fix these normal issues. Go find one.
Your change in interests could just as easily be explained by showcasing your brains ability to contain an ever-expanding interest in human development. Why minimize it to “getting old.” Don’t minimize, celebrate instead.
Equally important to mention, there are people in their 40s and 50s and beyond who continue to enjoy what we would label young people activities. This is another fact to negate the stereotype of being “old.” We shouldn’t demean people for acting “young” either. Again, it’s a matter of interests, not age. If it’s not hurting anyone, then all activities, or choices are on the table.
For some, learning about the benefits of sleep adjusts your desire to get quality sleep. I don’t think we should demean growing and learning in order to maintain a socially constructed timeline of what being “old” means.
Overall, I have made it clear I do not appreciate anyone labeling others as “old,” especially themselves, because when you label yourself as old, you are labeling everyone your age or older as the same and maybe they don’t recognize your definition as their truth.
I am going to love becoming 40. In my personal situation, I’m proud of all my accomplishments and where I am in life. I’m very comfortable. Besides my position within career and family life, I am equally proud of all the work I have done to shift my perpective when I needed to. Ultimately, it is this work that led to my current stability and comfortability. I will never stop growing as a human being. (I want to have something more impressive to tell the aliens when they ask what I did here on Earth- a common imaginary scenario I use as motivation to keep doing well.) I don’t want to have to admit I complained and worked my whole life only to die. Also, I don’t want to explain I referred to myself as old instead of doing the work needed to dispell any reason I would refer to myself this way in the first place.
In celebration of making it to 40, here are a few things I’ve actively worked on during my first act.
I’ve worked on:
- Thinking about my weight and appearance significantly differently. All in all, a much healthier, less toxic approach.
- Intuitive eating
- Being grateful
- Active Listening vs interrupting -if I interrupt you, just know I’m aware it just happened and I will keep trying.
- Understanding legacy is short-lived
- Living for today
- Understanding drinking alcohol made time slip by faster and causes unnecessary and preventable issues
- Knowing I’m good enough because I’m a good person
- Getting better at ignoring any narratives I make up about what others are thinking of me.
- Staying away from what drains me and getting more of what energizes or nourishes me
All of these were able to be worked on once I recognized caring about what others think was getting in the way. When I get to do what sparks joy in me and no one says anything about it is where I flourish so ignoring others negative narratives is a helpful tool to obtain the same reward. This is total freedom. I’m much less frustrated now. I can clearly see what’s actually important. Constant growing, learning and building undeniably refines your vision.
Being a human is hard work, and I’m glad to say I will not stop becoming one until the day I die. There is always something new to do, read, stand for and think about. It’s never-ending. My 40th year and my entire second act will be no different. I may just celebrate and do more things I love, to counteract society’s glum, negative account of what turning 40 is supposed to be.
So ultimately, try to alleviate any reason you call yourself old. Do some work. Claim your interests have changed. Claim you need to find a treatment for your ailment instead of relying on the stereotype of being “old” to keep you in an uncomfortable way of living.
I couldn’t be at a better place for these next 40 years. They will certainly be more mine than the previous and I’m looking forward to it all.
onthecontrarykelly 